I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
