I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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