I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.