Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
