12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
jump out the window naked night went bad
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