Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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