mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants