dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i dont even know how to be here
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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