if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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