Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
