The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
