I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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