Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
