Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
