I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, beer. Big fan.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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