My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
