We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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