sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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