she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
