so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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