Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
