I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
