Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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