You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
