is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
