i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
