I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
