My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
