Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
