I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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