i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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