I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
