I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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