btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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