Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
