So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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