Me too!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
