He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
