so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
