you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
