Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
