Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.