Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask