And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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