What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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