we're blogging at a bar
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.