Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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