i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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