Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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