i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
