Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
