You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
