don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
