She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
