my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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