More tranny stories later!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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