? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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