I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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