I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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