He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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