I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
