Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
