i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
