And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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