No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
