Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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