Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
