I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
