Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
