I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
