apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
