He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
