I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize