I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
