So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
