Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
