i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
