I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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