My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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