so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
